The Importance of the Towel
Mad ravings on this blog come and go like that crazy uncle who bought your love with cold hard cash. Today’s topic an ever growing controversial topic in the public arena, hell it concerns both Muslims and those immigrants we keep hearing about, THE IMPORTANCE OF THE TOWEL! First off I liked to pay respects to the creator of the towel, but sadly the man who created this is so humble that he has remained anonymous. Some people might say there are more important things than the towel, these would be seditious communists who deserve to be sent out back and shot, for they are trying to blind you from the importance of the towel. Tell me when you spill something where’s the first thing you turn to, a towel of some sort. When you step out of the tower and you need to dry off, what object do you subject the horrible task of drying your barren ass, the towel.
In recent years the towel has been under attack by technology though, soon we will live in a world devoid of towels, I know it’s too horrible to imagine. Tell me when people wash there hair, where do they turn to now? The hair dryer instead of the reliable towel, but let ask all those seditious users of hair dryers out there, would a towel kill you in the shower? I think not! I see grave times ahead of us, there seems to be a cultural rift forming, those who use the towel and then those who are gung-ho for technology. Technology is the devil, I saw Terminator 2, we all know what happens, that technology goes nuts and tries to kill us all, but thank god for those of us still not plugged into the system.
The towel symbolizes democracy in a world that wishes to resort to being mindless tools led by technology! So I put forth all of you a challenge, STAND UP TO THE EVILS OF TECHNOLOGY AND WEAR YOUR TOWEL PROUDLY!!! For you see, the opposition, that evil opposition, which would you like to confuse you wiht mis-direction by saying you can find it to either the left or right, wants to lull you into a false sense of security with it's high tech security systems and fancy lights, but just watch when the seditious traitors slither into your home, steal your children and leave you for dead! And while your life-force ozzes out of you while you lay on your bathroom tile floor, you'll see a towel and remember that where it all began. It starts now, WILL YOU TAKE A STAND FOR YOUR RIGHT TO OWN A TOWEL!!!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Introduction
Another blog to join the ranks of a passe fad gone astray, at one point one could argue that this could possibly be the grassroots movement the liberal left has been waiting for all these years. The grassroots movement is now merely a façade, much like the theme-park that had that beautiful sign on the highway yet it’s most memorable attraction is a fat man who can sing in perfect pitch while running from a geriatric alligator. I digress though, blogging once was perceived as a grassroots movement promoting the ideal of the spreading of information that would finally bring the conservative right, elitist pricks, to it’s knees. Obviously, since the majority of people are of the liberal left persuasion, they are being put into submission thus rendering them ignorant and as useless as a limp dick, by the notorious conservative right, but alas blogging is nothing more than a caricature, or more appropriately poor propaganda made by the liberal left, a group that has long sought to usurp the conservative right of its power through seditious rumblings. Great minds have often pondered, why one side hates the other so much, for you can not have one side without the other. If there was no left, then would not half of the right become left itself? Then again while those are amazing observations by probably a man who hasn’t been laid in months, and I do say is probably a dirty seditious card carrying member of the right, I simply look to the simpler, and dare I say more petty reasons why this altercation has arisen. My very astute observation being that the left is obviously more jealous that the right is used more in the sacred act of masturbation, but of course that would be seen as a very masculine look on the world but I’m sure the feminine left have a similar quibble or perhaps on the feminine side of the equator it’s more of an appearance thing, the world may never know, though I will tell you one thing is for sure, the left is sure glad more people are right handed since the left are a lazy bunch of sons of bitches. In either case, the history of blogging is a compendium that I do not dare try to write, for the disagreeable north and south would rear their ugly heads, at least that’s the fear of the lefts and the rights to both I‘m sadly proscribe to by birth, and I'm no match for the fury of misdirection hence why I choose not to watch TV News. Now that you know that this is neither left nor right, nor will it go up or down, and will constantly stay in a state of funk, something which I find preferable much like that piece of cheese you seemingly forgot to put back in the fridge, the piece left in the room no one goes in, due to the subconscious fear it’s haunted, by that aunt who slept there once and died, and so there that cheese lies, moldy, and the home of Arthur the cockroach, it’s not really fresh but it’s not exactly rotten, so what else can be said other than it is truly in a state of funk. In which case the Carnival of Death may open its doors to all the children of the world who wish to adorn its dismal theme park.
Who am I? A question that feels as stale as the joke, why did the chicken cross the road? It’s stale because through my vernacular and perhaps the very fact I'm posting on a blog which I did not aptly title clearly shows, like a window at Tiffanies, that I am none other than a wanna-be writer college student. So why is such a pernicious soul such as I, diffusing ideas of an indecipherable nature across the web using a medium known for the pretentious and less-than-lively well it's because I need some rigid structure to my not so rigid structured life in terms of writing. So this will by my new platform for throwing out whatever stories come to mind, much in the same way the sleazy drunk uses a nightclub as a platform to show off his verbose wit to the opposite sex. So let us begin on this magical carpet ride of titillating vanity of a soul who has demonic creatures coiled round it.
Another blog to join the ranks of a passe fad gone astray, at one point one could argue that this could possibly be the grassroots movement the liberal left has been waiting for all these years. The grassroots movement is now merely a façade, much like the theme-park that had that beautiful sign on the highway yet it’s most memorable attraction is a fat man who can sing in perfect pitch while running from a geriatric alligator. I digress though, blogging once was perceived as a grassroots movement promoting the ideal of the spreading of information that would finally bring the conservative right, elitist pricks, to it’s knees. Obviously, since the majority of people are of the liberal left persuasion, they are being put into submission thus rendering them ignorant and as useless as a limp dick, by the notorious conservative right, but alas blogging is nothing more than a caricature, or more appropriately poor propaganda made by the liberal left, a group that has long sought to usurp the conservative right of its power through seditious rumblings. Great minds have often pondered, why one side hates the other so much, for you can not have one side without the other. If there was no left, then would not half of the right become left itself? Then again while those are amazing observations by probably a man who hasn’t been laid in months, and I do say is probably a dirty seditious card carrying member of the right, I simply look to the simpler, and dare I say more petty reasons why this altercation has arisen. My very astute observation being that the left is obviously more jealous that the right is used more in the sacred act of masturbation, but of course that would be seen as a very masculine look on the world but I’m sure the feminine left have a similar quibble or perhaps on the feminine side of the equator it’s more of an appearance thing, the world may never know, though I will tell you one thing is for sure, the left is sure glad more people are right handed since the left are a lazy bunch of sons of bitches. In either case, the history of blogging is a compendium that I do not dare try to write, for the disagreeable north and south would rear their ugly heads, at least that’s the fear of the lefts and the rights to both I‘m sadly proscribe to by birth, and I'm no match for the fury of misdirection hence why I choose not to watch TV News. Now that you know that this is neither left nor right, nor will it go up or down, and will constantly stay in a state of funk, something which I find preferable much like that piece of cheese you seemingly forgot to put back in the fridge, the piece left in the room no one goes in, due to the subconscious fear it’s haunted, by that aunt who slept there once and died, and so there that cheese lies, moldy, and the home of Arthur the cockroach, it’s not really fresh but it’s not exactly rotten, so what else can be said other than it is truly in a state of funk. In which case the Carnival of Death may open its doors to all the children of the world who wish to adorn its dismal theme park.
Who am I? A question that feels as stale as the joke, why did the chicken cross the road? It’s stale because through my vernacular and perhaps the very fact I'm posting on a blog which I did not aptly title clearly shows, like a window at Tiffanies, that I am none other than a wanna-be writer college student. So why is such a pernicious soul such as I, diffusing ideas of an indecipherable nature across the web using a medium known for the pretentious and less-than-lively well it's because I need some rigid structure to my not so rigid structured life in terms of writing. So this will by my new platform for throwing out whatever stories come to mind, much in the same way the sleazy drunk uses a nightclub as a platform to show off his verbose wit to the opposite sex. So let us begin on this magical carpet ride of titillating vanity of a soul who has demonic creatures coiled round it.
The Legend of Wally the Railroad Man!There once was a train, the A-Train, it was the most efficient trainin the whole catchet of trains that ran at the time. Perhaps it wasdue to good ol'American Craftsmanship but most likely that's a crockof shit, for everyone knew it's because of Wally. Wally was a railroadman, and Wally use to have a saying, "Nobody fucks with the A-Train".Wally was a frenchman, some use to say that his own people desertedhim, which is why he ended up in this shithole. But the legend goesthat Wally found this place all of his own free will, a place where hecould be cruel and malicious as long as it was to those who deservedit but there was always some collateral damage. Wally had a bad eye,so he use to wear this crusty old monacle. Some say it was God's wayof evening the tables, giving Wally one bad eye but if that was thecase why give him two good hands to wreak havoc with? Wally use to also carry around a billyclub to enforce his tyranical rule of the A-train. For when you got beat with Wally's billyclub, it was like being beat by a lumberjack, some use to say that Wally came of lumberjack descent due to his uncouth beard. Now to top off this ridiculous fashion he use to carry around his trustypocket watch. Wally had one love in his entire life andthat was for his billyclub, and the sounds it made during a goodthrashing, it just put ol'wally heart at ease. For you see if you werecaught sneaking on Wally's train, pray to god you had some good healthinsurance because you were going to need it. Wally was devoid ofemotion besides his bloodlust so he never settled down and had afamily. Truth be told no one really knows what happen to Wally. Foryou see Wally was a product of a different time, a time when a goodthrashing is all you needed to keep a train going, now a days you needto be kind to those in need, and hurting people that'd try to wrongthe A-Train just isn't tolerated. So Wally like all the oldinstitutions of America simply faded away, some even question ifol'wally even existed.
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